Breaking down

I know these days will be felt like this, very very blue. Panic suddenly hits me out of nowhere, I was so scared that my hands are shaking.

I want to scream until my lungs burst into bubbles, then drown in the deep blue ocean.

They call this depression. But I feel like it is more than that. I am falling apart. Right now.

Do the countdown and see me go.

3

2

1

 

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The last few words before

….
I swear to God this is the last time I am going to say this with an angry heart.

I am disappointed, because faith is lost and it can never be restored the way it is. Because people are cold as stone and they fool you around and around, you spin until you cannot take that pain anymore. You flop and you drown.

And I am disappointed about betrayals… it has been so long and so familiar, time after time.

I am offended, disappointed and jaded.

I always think that from that eye, if the world could see me from that window, life would be a lot easier and prettier, even without those supplementary emotions that came afterwards.

So I was right, I am destined to be burnt in hell, because I am not what I am. Because now, at this moment and this time, that eye sees me and I am a horrible person, even I didn’t choose to be it.

I am not worried at all, since, I am going to see you in hell.

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